I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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