Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
