He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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