Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I just sharted jello shots
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
