Someone shit on the floor
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
