Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
