Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
