he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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