The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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