I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
