Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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