everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
