I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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