I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
