Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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