My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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