Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
