That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
