it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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