Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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