Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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