i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
sex in a hospital.. check
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
try to milk me bitch
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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