i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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