Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
