have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
