making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You were trust falling into bushes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
