you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
