Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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