is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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