oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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