Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish you could order shots online.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize