oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
