Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Damn victory sex feels great
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
