how can u be prego again
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
