hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
