He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
