Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize