Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
