How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
