You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
