The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
