I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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