i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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