Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
