Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
