dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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