ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He better not be in your backpack
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
