Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize