I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
