Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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