a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I wish there were birth control emojis
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
