I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
