Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
