I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize