What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
