forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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