i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
