Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
