On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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