last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
