don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
