one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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