yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
