wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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