Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
