If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
