All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
