her vagine was all disorganized.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
