Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
