Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
