I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i think i just lost a toe
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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